Settle yourselves down with a cuppa and make yourselves comfortable while I tell you a story ...
Prior to our move across the pond, I went into Barclays to advise that we would be moving to the United States and to enquire firstly, whether there was anything specific we needed to do with regard to notifications etc., (was advised none) and secondly, to ask what the procedure would be to update our address once we arrived (as we would be in a hotel for 10 days before moving into a temporary apartment for another month or so until we found a house to rent).
"Do you have online banking?"
"Yes"
"Oh, then you can just update directly online, or you can call us to let us know the new address as soon as you know".
Great. That works. Except it didn't.
After the initial 10 days in a hotel, we moved into an apartment, with an address, and after establishing that we would be there for another 6 weeks, I decided that it would be prudent to update all concerned parties at banks, building societies etc. with details of the temporary address to mitigate any potential fraud issues etc., accepting that this would all have to be done again in another couple of months.
Right, let's just log in to my Nationwide account ...here we are .. update personal information ... update address .... click here if you are moving to a foreign address ... click... Done. Excellent. Now for Barclays. update personal information ... update address ... Oh. Computer says no. 'Sorry. You are not able to update this information online. Please call into your nearest branch or if you have telephone banking, please call xxxx-xxx-xxxx."
Slightly irritated, I called early the next morning bearing in mind the 8 hour time difference. After wasting 5 minutes listening to a recording of all the other (totally irrelevant) products and services offered by Barclays, followed by the lengthy multiple choice selections to determine which 'service' I wanted (I actually had to do this twice as got distracted half way through and missed the number for the option I wanted!), plus several minutes of mind numbing hold music, I eventually got through to a human being. "God knows how much this is all costing!" I thought (I can tell you that I subsequently discovered it had cost $30). I explained that we had just moved to the United States, and needed to update the address on our joint checking account.
"Can you please give me the last 3 numbers of your passcode?"
"Sorry? Which passcode?"
"The last 3 numbers of your telephone banking passcode"
"I don't have telephone banking. I have only ever used Online banking, which won't let me update online and has directed me to this number"
"Oh. Well I will have to ask you a whole series of additional security questions then" I detected the distinct whiff of irritation in her voice. Probably getting very close to the end of her shift.
After several minutes of Gestapo-like interrogation, she was satisfied I was who I said I was and took the new address details. Success.
"So, as this is a joint account, details are updated for both myself and my husband are they?"
"No. He will have to ring up as well to update his address ..." Lovely
"Right OK. As we will be moving again in another 6 weeks, is there an easier way I can do this next time?"
"Oh yes. I can set you up with telephone banking and send you a passcode which you can quote when you move again."
"OK thank you. Will that arrive in time though?"
"Oh, yes, it should just take a couple of weeks".
The next day the same painful procedure was repeated by Mr B and some days later, after much checking online, our account finally reflected the new US address. Yay!
Fast forward 6 weeks and another move. Despite checking our mailbox every day, no telephone banking passcode had arrived. **Sighs** After pouring myself a very large cup of coffee and steeling myself for another painful conversation, I called Barclays again.
"Can you please give me numbers 3 and 6 of your passcode?" dear God
"I don't have a telephone banking passcode. You were supposed to send me one but it never arrived."
"Oh sorry about that. In that case you will have to write a letter ..." Oh you have got to be kidding?!
"But I updated it by telephone when we first moved 6 weeks ago, so why can't I do that again now? I am happy for you to ask me any additional security questions you need to..."
"It's for security reasons and to reduce the risk of potential fraud"
Right. So, if I am understanding correctly, I can't update it online because of the risk of fraud, even though I have a secure PINsentry device which would allow me to transfer thousands of pounds to any account I choose; I can't update it on the telephone because I don't have a telephone banking passcode, even though I could provide details from my account over the last 30 years, but it's OK to put all my personal details and details of my bank account in a letter mailed from the US, which will take at least 10 days and quite frankly could end up anywhere for all I know?!
Right, right ... if that's what it takes. With fingers furiously flying across the keyboard, said letter was duly written and mailed that afternoon (after a 10 mile round trip to Post Office as the nearest is 5 miles away). Well at least it should now be finally sorted right? Wrong.
Twenty days later, I collected a letter from our mailbox from Barclays Bank addressed to Mr M C Barlow. Oh well, at least they have got our new address updated now then. When Mr B returned home that evening and opened the letter it began:
Dear Mr Barlow. Oh great, thanks, clearly I am a mere minion ... Thank you for your recent written change of address request. Checks original letter ... yep not going mad, definitely says from Beverley R Barlow... Unfortunately we cannot change the address associated with the account detailed above because we have not received any certified identification and new address proof.... Oh for the love of God!
If you are registered for Online banking you can update your address using your PINsentry device ... er, no you can't ... or alternatively if you are in the UK ... we're not ... call in to any branch of Barclays. If you would like to resubmit your request by post, please have your photographic ID and proof of address photocopied, stamped and certified by a Solicitor, Notary or Governmental official ...WHAT THE F.....?!!!!
Sensing I was more than a little annoyed, Mr B kindly offered to call the bank the next morning when he got to work and sort it all out. When he returned that evening he announced smugly that it was all sorted, address had been changed, notes updated on our file and telephone banking passcode on its way for future reference. Oh right. Well done!
Two week's later whilst performing a bank reconciliation (I know ... impressed or what?), I thought I would just double check to confirm all was now reflected correctly. It came as no great surprise to find that the old 'temporary' US address was still showing under personal details. After counting to 10... twice ... I managed to find under the 'What would you like to do?' section of the website (sadly what I really wanted to do was not listed) a well hidden option entitled 'Make a complaint'. After detailing the facts as succinctly as I could I hit 'Send' and promptly received an email advising that my complaint would be responded to within 5 business days. Good. Hopefully that will save another annoying phone call to the UK 'service centre' again. After 11 business days had elapsed it was with gritted teeth and sheer determination I picked up the phone.
After explaining the issue once again, the girl (and I say girl, as she sounded about 12) on the other end of the phone, apologized most profusely and assured me not to worry, she would put it right this minute.
"If you could just give me the last 4 digits of your passcode ..." Shoot me now.
After another 10 minutes going through the sorry tale, being told that she was not able to update on the phone and I would have to write a letter, being put on hold for a further 5 minutes whilst she went off to speak to her
After two more sets of security questions and another lengthy exchange for the young man in the Complaints Dept. to understand the issue, he finally confirmed that he had updated the address and all was now correct.
"It's very strange though, I can't find any record of your letter or our reply on your file"
"Well, that's probably because you replied to my husband, so if you have look under his name you will probably find it."
"Oh no sorry, I am not allowed to do that for data protection reasons ..." Of course you're not
He was full of apologies, agreeing that indeed, it should not be this difficult to update details in order to prevent potential fraud and that he had credited £100 to our account to cover phone calls and the inconvenience caused. Well, that's something I suppose.
"Is there anything else I can do for you today?"
"Yes. Could you please set me up with a telephone banking passcode so that I don't have to go through this pain if we move again in 12 month's time?"
"Yes, we can definitely do that. You just need to call back tomorrow and speak to the Customer Services team ...." **slashes wrist with scissors**
As an addendum to the above, I am pleased to report that Marcus's telephone banking card managed to make it's way to the right address (despite being addressed to 'Scottsdail' ... ye Gods) .... however, the passcode has not arrived. I have received neither. If it wasn't such a hassle (complicated even further by being in the US), I would have closed the account weeks ago. It seems loyalty sadly counts for nothing these days. And when I can bear it, I may still write a 'Victor Meldrew-esque' letter of complaint to the Chairman of Barclays, but right now I think I'll settle for another Margarita ... dear God, I need one!
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