OK ... so now that we have been here for three weeks, I decided that it was time we got back to some kind of normality and stopped acting as it we were on an extended holiday. Although as Ethan can't start school until after the summer holidays, (they break up in a few weeks time until mid-August!), this is going to be quite hard as technically he is on an extended holiday!
Now you may recall that Mr B had recently coerced Ethan and I into buying new trainers and workout gear in the hope that we could be encouraged to start some form of exercise, **bleugh!** (he of course it still up at 5am every morning going for a run or doing his circuit training before work ... yawn). So far though they were still lying in pristine condition folded neatly in a drawer (#exercisedodgers), however after all the food and drink we have consumed lately, we reluctantly agreed that maybe it was time we checked out the onsite gym after all. We resolved to give it a whirl the next morning, preferably when everyone else had gone off to work thus reducing the potential for any snickering at our inadequacies and inability to use any of the new fangled torture contraptions they had in there (the only machines I was familiar with at a gym were the ones that doled out crisps and chocolate .. **snort**). What had seemed like such a good idea the previous evening however (with glass of wine in hand), was not looking quite so appealing in the cold light of day, but despite Ethan's ever hopeful pleas that 'maybe we should start tomorrow?', we stuck to our guns (see what I did there? ... ha, like that will ever happen), reluctantly donning our strange lycra outfits and headed across the courtyard to the gym.
We decided we shouldn't exert ourselves too much on the first day (after all it was Monday) and set ourselves a goal of just 20 minutes on one of the running machine thingamajigs. Well ... when I say 20 minutes ... in my case 5 minutes of that was taken up trying to work out how to switch the bloody machine on and at least another 5 trying to decide which channel to watch on the TV ... in case you're interested I opted for Rachael Ray and Ethan The Real Housewives of New York (we were so made to live in the U.S). There was just one other person in there when we arrived, but for some reason he left a few minutes later ... quite possibly due to the racket we were making as we periodically dissolved into fits of hysterics and 'shouted' to each other over our headphones. So, after a gentle stroll for all of 10 minutes, I was all done and even managed not to get sweaty ... Result! Piece of cake this exercise lark, don't know what all the fuss is about.
I have to report that Ethan did a much better job, setting off at almost a jog from the start and increasing the incline to what looked akin to climbing Mount Kilimanjaro ... no thanks ... far too energetic for me. When our 20 minutes was up, the machine helpfully calculated how far we had 'run' **ahem**, how many calories we had burnt and what our average heart rate was. Now ... let's see ... surely I should have worked off enough for a nice lunch out somewhere ... Oh. Apparently I have burnt 89 calories. I can treat myself to one Oreo biscuit with my coffee. CosmIc. Ethan also thought it was hilarious that my average heart rate reading was noted as '0', remarking "I think you're dead." Cheers. Well, no point over exerting myself on the first visit is there?
The next day Mr B headed off to Miami on business leaving us home alone for the next 3 days... unsupervised ... with credit cards and the car ... Wahoo! I asked Ethan if he would like me to take him to go and buy the new Playstation he had saved up for, and after a brief moment of hesitation when he realised that I would have to drive ... charming ... the lure of a new gadget proved too much for him to resist and he quickly agreed. After a spot of online research, we decided to head for a Best Buy store, asking our ever helpful GPS lady to find the nearest and direct us there pronto. After a mild panic when she navigated us onto the main 101 Freeway (I was going off her already) - like Silverstone with crap drivers that can overtake on both sides and gigantic trucks that cause mini earthquakes as they thunder by - we finally made it safely to our exit and GPS lady announcing "you have reached your destination on the right" as we pulled into the adjacent retail centre. See? Easy. Except we couldn't see a Best Buy anywhere. Hmm, maybe we missed it. After driving up and down several times we determined that if there ever had been a Best Buy at this location there definitely wasn't one now and so slightly irritated, set about searching for another one. Ok. Don't panic. It says there's another one 3 miles away - we'll head off to that one, obeying GPS lady once more as she instructed "Turn left onto E Shea Boulevard". Ok, done. Now what? "Where possible, make a U turn" ... sorry, what? "Where possible make a U turn". Now increasingly irritated, we discovered that every filter lane for the next umpteen miles was marked 'No U turns allowed' and all the while GPS lady, who had now turned into shouty GPS lady, barked "MAKE A U TURN AT THE NEXT AVAILABLE EXIT!" every 30 seconds. Alright, alright!! I'm bloody well looking for one, you useless b*#%!!! Ethan was by now shifting uncomfortably in his seat, adding helpful remarks such as "er ... keep calm Mum ... you're doing really well" and "I'm sure it wasn't all your fault...". Finally, we managed to turn around and get back on track and 10 minutes later, a slightly less shouty GPS lady, announced once again "you have reached your destination on the right". Halle-bloody-lulah! Hang on. Where was Best Buy? Could we see one? Could we buggery! Oh, for God's sake! By now 'irritated' no longer came close ... majorly pi**ed off was a more accurate description! Thankfully, just as I was ready to launch into a further string of expletives, cursing at how utterly useless GPS lady had actually been, Ethan spotted a Costco, hastily suggesting that perhaps we should just go and look there ... and after making a brief acquaintance with the car wash (don't ask) we finally "arrived at our destination". Mission accomplished (don't know why we didn't just think think to go there in the first place), we were soon back in the car and headed back home with said games console (which Ethan wisely opted to set up without asking for any assistance from me!). Success at last!
As I write this we are currently in-flight on our way to New York, (this time accompanying Mr B on another one of his business trips), so who knows what mayhem we can cause there whilst he is at the office?! Come back next week to find out!
Finally, you will no doubt be surprised to hear that we did in fact manage a second trip to the gym this week and this time I burnt enough calories for ............. 2 Oreos! #hardlyworththeeffort.
No comments:
Post a Comment